Who is to blame for the abuse?
The batterer is always responsible for their actions. A batterer's own attitudes and behavior cause them to be controlling and violent.
Is the use of illegal drugs or alcohol to blame for the abuse?
Illegal drugs and alcohol do not cause domestic violence. Violence can be more severe when there are illegal drugs or alcohol involved, but the violence would occur regardless.
HOPE can give you help and support.
Go here to learn about our services. Our trained, caring advocates can help you make informed decisions, plan for your safety, and determine a path forward.
Below are additional resources from trusted organizations and partners.
Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women
Legal Services for Domestic Violence Agencies and Victims in MN
MN Office of Justice Programs
Safe at Home is designed to help people who fear for their safety maintain a confidential address. Many times program participants are survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking or people with professional safety concerns.
Teen Dating Violence
Domestic violence can happen to young adults and teenagers in romantic relationships just as it happens to adults.
Below is the Teen Power and Control Wheel with specific examples of teen dating violence.
What is Domestic Violence? Domestic violence occurs between people in an intimate relationship. It is an ongoing pattern of intimidation, coercion, and violence to establish and maintain control over another person.
Battering may occur in any relationship and includes emotional, sexual, and physical abuse. Threats, intimidation, isolation and economic abuse are also forms of battering. Males or females can be the batterers or victims and our organization is open to all individuals seeking help.Type your paragraph here.
The Power and Control Wheel below has specific examples of domestic violence and battering.
Teen Dating Violence Resources
HOPE 24/7 Crisis Line (218) 927-2327 then Press 7 to Speak to an Advocate
National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline
24/7 1.866.331.9474 or text 'loveis' to 22522
Teen resource for digital abuse
Empowered Youth Ending Family Violence
Domestic Violence Myths & Facts
Myth: Domestic violence is a private family matter.
Fact: Domestic violence is everyone;s business. Keeping domestic violence secret helps no one, has been shown to harm children, incurs substantial costs to the community, and serves the perpetuate abuse through learned patterns of behavior.
Myth: Most of the time, domestic violence is not really that serious.
Fact: Domestic violence is an illegal act in the U.S. and is considered a crime with serious repercussions. Although there are aspects of domestic violence (e.g., emotional, psychological, or spiritual abuse) that may not be considered criminal in a legal sense, serious and long-lasting physical, emotional and spiritual harm can, and often does, occur.
Each and every act of domestic violence needs to be taken seriously.
Myth: Victims provoke their partner's violence.
Fact: Whatever problems exist in a relationship, the use of violence is never justifiable or acceptable. there is NO EXCUSE for domestic violence.
Myth: Domestic violence is an impulse control or anger management problem.
Fact: Abusers act deliberately and with foresight. Abusers can choose whom to abuse. For example, an abuser will selectively batter his wife and not his boss.
Myth: No one would beat his pregnant wife or girlfriend.
Fact: Domestic violence may begin or escalate during pregnancy. Homicide is the single most frequent cause of maternal death during pregnancy and in the first year after giving birth.
Myth: Woman are just as violent as men in relationships.
Fact: Some women report striking their male partners during the course of conflict, often in self-defense. Women, however, rarely commit deliberate acts that result in fear, injury, rape, or death.
Myth: Domestic violence is bad but it happens elsewhere. It does not happen in my community, my neighborhood, my culture, my religion, or my congregation.
Fact: Domestic violence happens to people of every educational and socioeconomic level. Domestic violence occurs in both heterosexual (male and female) and homosexual or same-sex relationships.
Myth: It is easy for a victim to leave her abuser, so if she does not leave, it means she likes the abuse or is exaggerating how bad it is.
Fact: Fear, lack of safe options, and inability to survive economically prevent many women from leaving abusive relationships. Threats of harm, including death to the victim and/or their children, keep many battered women trapped in abusive situations. The most dangerous time for a battered woman is when she attempts to leave the relationship, or when the abuser discovers that she has made plans to leave.
Myth: Children are generally neither aware of, nor affected by, their mother's abuse.
Fact: Nearly 90% of children who live in homes in which there is domestic violence will see or hear the abuse. Children as young as toddlers can suffer from the effects of exposure to abuse. Children exposed to violence and other forms of trauma may have permanent alterations in brain structure, chemistry, and function.
Myth: Domestic violence can occur in older women, but it is quite rare.
Fact: Approximately half of all elder abuse in women is thought to be domestic violence "grown old". Older battered women are less likely to seek and receive help.
Myth: Anger management programs are briefer and less expensive than certified batterer intervention programs.
Fact: Although briefer and less expensive than certified batterer intervention programs, anger management programs are not effective to address the deep-rooted issues of batterers.
Myth: Since domestic violence is a problem in the relationship, marriage or couple-focused pastoral counseling is key to restoring tranquility in the family or relationship.
Fact: This type of counseling often INCREASES the risk of violence to the victim. Faith and religious community representatives can promote safety and restore personal integrity and self-esteem to the victim, and can suggest batterer intervention services for the abuser, but should not engage in couples counseling unless the long-term safety of the survivor, and staff, can be assured.
Myth: Services for victims are staffed by people angry at traditional society who want to break up the family unit.
Fact: Programs that help bettered women and their children, and counselors who provide assistance, are concerned first and foremost with the safety of the survivor and her dependent children. The goal of counseling and other survivor services is not to break up the family unit but to preserve the safety of all of its members. Achieving this goal, unfortunately, may mean that some relationships may need to end.
Myth: Since our religion does not condone divorce, an abusive man should speak with the religious leader to mend his ways.
Fact: Although some religions do frown on divorce, no religion advocates abuse. Some abusers misinterpret or intentionally misuse religious writing to justify violence against their parents and children or to prevent marriage - even one wracked by violence and abuse - from dissolving. Helpful conversations with a batterer, even if conducted carefully by a religious leader, may bring short-term relief, but cannot take the place of qualified batterer intervention services, and may even pose a safety risk for the victim and her children.
- Alpert, Elaine J. (2005). Responding to Domestic Violence: An Interfaith Guide to Prevention And Intervention. The Chicago Metropolitan Battered Women's Network. Website: www.batteredwomensnetwork.org/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderfiles/cmbwm_booklet.pdf